I hate depression!

Today has been one of the worst days I've had in a long time. I think it all started on Saturday. I started having little panic attacks. I think it may be caused with the lack of 'normal' lately and also that I have so much stuff to do.

Depression is such a cycle. I'm depressed so I don't want to do anything, so then I don't want to do anything because it's so much effort and I'm depressed and then I'm just depressed because nothing is done but to do something, anything would require effort. Thank goodness this doesn't happen very often and I'm so thankful that I know the signs.

I'm also disappointed in how a few of my friendships are going. It seems like I'm always an outcast, just on the fringes of groups. I feel so often that I'm just a pest to people. Hopefully this is just the depression speaking and that I can fight it off.

I also know that part of the depression is a spiritual battle. Today Satan (aka The Great Accuser) has really been hammering me. I have felt a little worthless, like a bad mommy, wife, etc. I keep remembering stupid things that I've done in the past. Urrrghhh! Just drives me crazy.

Thankfully I have a husband who loves me and balances me out. Unfortunately he's not home tonight so I don't have that balance, but I know it will be better.