At first when I found out about my sister lying to my parents about being married for almost a year and that their main reason for doing it was because they wanted my parents to throw them a big wedding, I had a good laugh and thought it was funny. Now the more I think about it the more sad I feel for them and for me. Now before you go thinking that I'm making it all about me, keep reading.....It really isn't. It makes me wonder what our family dynamics are that makes us want to lie to our parents and keep the truth from them. I know that in my mid 20's I did tell some lies to my parents. When they came out I realize that it would have been so much easier if I just would have told them the truth. I don't think it's just something people do, Walter certainly doesn't lie and he hates it. Yet there have been a few times in our marriage that I have "withheld the truth". I guess if I want to justify it, I would say that I did it so I wouldn't make him mad (yet he's more mad when he finds out). Basically it's always over money.
I wonder if my parents wonder why we have this need to lie to them. Did they just raise dishonest kids? I honestly don't think so, if that was the case then we would be stealing and probably other things. I think it comes down to that we don't want to disappoint them, or at least that's what it is for me. I don't want to disappoint my parents and I don't want to disappoint Walter. When I make a mistake, instead of owning up to it, I ignore it and sweep it under the rug, hoping that it will just go away. It never does.
So with my sister's "big lie" coming out, it is making me examine my own life. What am I going to do to break the cycle so that Benjamin and Rebecca don't feel like they have to not be completely honest with me, just so they don't disappoint me. The disappointment of a lie last a lot longer than one from telling the truth in the first place.
I guess this will be the topic that I discuss with Patricia next week during counseling. Oh the layers of the onion, that is my life, keep getting pealed away.
I wonder if my parents wonder why we have this need to lie to them. Did they just raise dishonest kids? I honestly don't think so, if that was the case then we would be stealing and probably other things. I think it comes down to that we don't want to disappoint them, or at least that's what it is for me. I don't want to disappoint my parents and I don't want to disappoint Walter. When I make a mistake, instead of owning up to it, I ignore it and sweep it under the rug, hoping that it will just go away. It never does.
So with my sister's "big lie" coming out, it is making me examine my own life. What am I going to do to break the cycle so that Benjamin and Rebecca don't feel like they have to not be completely honest with me, just so they don't disappoint me. The disappointment of a lie last a lot longer than one from telling the truth in the first place.
I guess this will be the topic that I discuss with Patricia next week during counseling. Oh the layers of the onion, that is my life, keep getting pealed away.
posted by Stacy at 10:05 PM
1 Comments:
I lied a lot when I was a teenager. My step-mom over-reacted about everything and normal things that my friends did would have gotten me grounded or punished. I lied so that I wouldn't get in trouble for something dumb like buying a box of Little Debbies and having them in my room. I think that goes somewhat along with the disappointment thing. I dunno.
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